Hasn't been much of a journey

I mean, how can it be a journey if you're not going anywhere? I'm working on things, I'm trying to get healthy and lose some weight and I'm on the right track. I've lost 6.5 pounds so far and have decided that during my holiday in Cuba I'm still going to try and track what I eat and not go crazy. My husband wasn't too supportive of that, but why does a holiday have to be about food? That's the only thing that's working for me right now.

I still don't have a specialist appointment booked and it's been almost 2 months since the paperwork was sent away. I'm doing what I can on my own in the form of vitamins, but it's obvious that they take time because here I am at CD39 with no sign of O or AF. My GP has washed her hands of me saying she won't treat anything fertility wise so that when I get to the OBGYN he can start fresh with me. That would be great if their office would book my appt! There is a new GP in town that is accepting patients and I decided to book one with her. While I realize she may give me the same answers, she may also be willing to look at my charts and give me prescriptions more readily. I would love to try Metformin even though I'm not insulin resistant because I've heard it can help PCOS patients lose weight. Would love to try! And, I'm at the point where I want a prescription to end my cycle again. I just want to feel hope again.

Why is life so unfair? Why can't infertility be reserved for someone who never wants kids? I realize my journey hasn't been as long as some, I just can't help but think that if I had a sticky bean in September I'd be 4 months along by now. I deserve to be a mom don't I?